Guiding Principles

The voices, feelings, and experiences of Black, Indigenous, and other people of color  (BIPOC) will be prioritized. People of color have historically been excluded from discussions and research within the field of sexology and sex education. At Sex Down South and at other events that are held by Sex Down South, I agree to make sure that people of color are allotted the space deserved.

I will not tolerate hostility. I can find hostility all around me in the world at large. This is a place where I can come together in love despite our differences. Whether they are political, religious, spiritual, physical, mental, or emotional, I come to this space with curiosity in my brain and love in my heart. If I can’t approach with love with someone, then I won’t approach them at all. My heart is open to all of us in this sex-positive journey.

I will not assume anyone’s gender identity based on their appearance. Attendees may identify as woman, man, transgender, non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, two spirit, agender, and/or anywhere in between or outside of this altogether, and some of them at the same time. Instead of assuming anyone’s gender identity, I can ask if they use pronouns and if they do, what pronouns they use and respect these pronouns. For example: “Hi, nice to meet you! I use she/her pronouns, what pronouns do you use?” I also recognize that using gender neutral language makes space for everyone to feel included, especially if I don’t know their pronouns. I will use words like “person” rather than “guy/girl”; “them” rather than “him/her,” “partner(s)” rather than “girlfriend/boyfriend”, etc. For example: “Excuse me, this person doesn’t know where the bathroom is, can you show them?”

Sexuality is beautiful and so very diverse—there is no shame in our sexualities, and I will not yuck anyone’s yum! I recognize that we come from a culture that encourages us to feel ashamed if we engage freely and authentically with our diverse sexualities. This conference aims to create a sex-positive, safer space where people can explore their desires without shame and judgment. If someone enjoys a sexual act that’s new to me or different from what I enjoy, I will appreciate rather than judge this difference. We all have different things that turn us on, and that’s ok! For example: “Oh wow, people tie people up? I don’t think that’s for me, but that looks like fun for them!” There is no shame in our kinks, and no shame in “vanilla” sex—there’s no such thing as too kinky or not kinky enough.

Consent and boundaries must be respected at all times. People have different boundaries when it comes to touch and interaction. I will make sure to ask for consent before initiating touch with anyone. For example: “Is it ok if I give you a hug?” If the person says yes, great. If they say no, I won’t take it personally! I also understand that I have the right to set my own boundaries and say no to any unwanted touch, interaction, or attention.

Centering the experiences of survivors is critical to this work. Many of us are survivors of sexual violence. I understand that anyone could be a survivor, and I will be sensitive around how we talk about sex and sexuality and respect everyone’s boundaries without question.

All relationships deserve the same respect, regardless of orientation or configuration. We may be queer, straight, gay, lesbian, polyamorous, monogamous….the possibilities are endless! I will not assume or judge anyone’s relationship choices, and I will be open to hearing about the many beautiful ways in which people navigate relationships.

People with disabilities, neurodivergent people, and people with mental health issues have a right to sexuality and sexy spaces. I won’t assume that someone who has a disability or thinks differently can’t make decisions around engaging in consensual sexuality. This space supports hotness for everyone.

All bodies, no matter their shape or size, have a right to pleasure. I recognize that body shaming—especially the shaming of fat bodies—is part of what keeps us disconnected from our sexualities. I will keep Sex Down South a body positive space by not commenting on or touching people’s bodies in any way without consent.

Everyone has the right to confidentiality. I can share concepts and ideas that I learn from attending an event that is put on, but I agree not to share names or any other identifying information about people who attend this conference and other events.

Violence – including physical, verbal, and emotional abuse – will not be tolerated. I agree that whatever emotions arise in me, it is my responsibility to handle them without harm to others and to seek support before escalating conflict. I will contact an SDS crew member and use the Healing Space as needed to ground myself in non-violent communication and relationship building with conference attendees, facilitators, and organizers.